(Theseus, Hippolyta, Egeus, Philostrate, Lord 1, Lord 2) (Hermia, Demetrius, Lysander, Helena)
ENTER: (Theseus, Hippolyta, Philostrate, Lord 1, Lord 2)
Theseus (walking stick – old)
Oh, fair Hippolyta, our wedding day comes. In 4 days! I can’t wait!
Hippolyta
4 days will quickly go. (clench hands up) 4 nights will quickly dream away. And then we will marry. (grabs Theseus)
Theseus
Go, Philostrate, wake up Athens, let the young party! (points offstage)
(EXIT: Philostrate bowing)
Theseus
Hippolyta, I won your heart with a fight, but now I wed you in another key. (Theseus gives money to Hippolyta, who counts it)
(ENTER: Egeus, Hermia, Lysander, Demetrius –all bow to Theseus)
Egeus
Dear Duke Theseus, congratulations! (all stand)
Theseus
Thanks, Egeus. What’s new?
Egeus
Well…I have a problem. I want my daughter Hermia (points) to marry this man, Demetrius (hand over shoulder). He has my blessing. But another man, (points) Lysander has taken her heart. She refuses to marry Demetrius.
Theseus
Ah. Tricky. (thinking – hand on chin)
Egeus
Athenian law says she marries Demetrius or dies. (fist)
Theseus
Do you have anything to say, Hermia? Your father gives you everything. Demetrius is a good man.
Hermia
So is Lysander.
Theseus
Your father wants you to marry Demetrius.
Hermia
And? (open arms) What will happen to me if I refuse?
Theseus
You will die. Or you can become a nun.
Hermia
I choose to be a nun.
Theseus
Think about it. (pointing finger)
Demetrius
Please, sweet Hermia, don’t become a nun. (begging) Lysander, give back her heart. (fist)
Lysander
Her father loves you. Marry him.
Egeus
Do you see what he’s like? (hand towards Lysander)
Lysander
My lord, I am as good as Demetrius, I have money and things. Hermia loves (hand on heart) me. Why not let me marry her? Demetrius took Helena’s heart. She loves him.
Theseus
So I heard, too. Come, Demetrius, Egeus, let’s walk and talk. Hermia, think about it. (wagging finger)
(EXIT: All BUT Lysander and Hermia)
Lysander
Oh, I missed you! (clenched love hands)
Hermia
I missed you, too! (clenched love hands)
Lysander
What are we going to do? (open hands)
Hermia
I’m not marrying him! (crossed arms) And I don’t want to be a nun. (crying)
Lysander
What a choice. Listen, my aunt lives outside Athens. We can run away to her home. (pointing offstage) We can get married there! Tomorrow night we can meet in the woods.
Hermia
I swear I will be there! (cross heart)
Lysander
Uh-uh, here comes trouble.
(ENTER: Helena)
Hermia
Hi, Helena, what gives?
Helena
You what? (hands on hips – angry) Demetrius loves you, not me! What have you got that I haven’t? (They stand together, Hermia with bra under dress)
Hermia
I hate him. I hate him so much. Yuk! (stamping feet)
Helena
I love him. (clenched love hands)
Lysander
Look, me and Hermia will run away tomorrow night. We will meet in the woods and go to his aunt’s house to get married.
Helena
Really?
Hermia
Yep. See you there, lover. (wave at each other)
(EXIT: Hermia, Lysander)
Helena
Oh, they look so happy. But…wait. (point in the air) If I tell Demetrius, maybe he will speak to me. Maybe he will like me again? Just to be with him again…(clenched love hands + turn of foot)
(EXIT: Helena)
Scene 2
(Quince, Snug, Bottom, Flute - beard, Snout, Starveling –long beard over shoulder)
(ENTER: ALL - bring chairs and sit in a semi-circle)
(all drinking, listening like a tennis match)
Quince
Are we all here?
Bottom
Call out the names.
Quince
The people on this list are the best in all Athens to play before the Duke and Duchess on their wedding day.
Bottom
What is the play?
Quince
A comedy, the death of Pyramus and Thisby.
Bottom
Oh, very good! Please, call out the names and their parts.
Quince
Okay, okay. Nick Bottom, the weaver. You are Pyramus, the lover.
Bottom
Oh goody! I shall move the audience to tears…with tears.
(Bottom stands up – 4 players move back in surprise)
I will play my part with strength and spirit!
Quince.
Yes…
(Bottom sits down)
Francis Flute, the bellows-maker, you are Thisby.
Flute
Who is Thisby? A wandering knight?
Quince
Pyramus’s lady love.
Flute
But I’ve got a beard! (upset) I can’t play a woman.
Quince
Whatever.
Bottom
(Bottom stands up – 4 players move back in surprise)
I can play Thisby! I will speak with a little voice, “Oh, Pyramus, my love…”
Quince
No, you play Pyramus, Flute plays Thisby.
(Bottom sits down)
Bottom
Okay.
Quince
Robin Starveling, the tailor, you play Thisby’s mother.
Starveling
But I’ve got a longer beard than Flute.
(Starveling takes beard off shoulder)
Quince
And? Tom Snout, the tinker, you play Pyramus’s father.
Snout
Okay. (salutes)
Quince
I myself will play Thisby’s father. Snug?
Snug
Yes?
Quince
You play the lion.
Sung
How many lines has the lion got?
Quince
The lion roars.
Sung
Oh yes, so it does.
Bottom
Let me play the lion!
(Bottom stands up – 4 players move back in surprise)
I can roar like no other! Roar!
Quince
And you will frighten the Duchess. They would hang us all!
Bottom
I will roar quietly, then. Roar.
Quince
You play Pyramus. Pyramus is the best part.
Bottom
Excellent! Do I need a beard?
Quince
Why not? They have one.
Bottom
(Bottom walking around, talking under Quince)
I will have a long beard, orange and yellow, with purple and blue streaks and…yes…
Quince
There are your parts, learn them well. We meet in the woods tomorrow night.
Bottom
We will meet! Practise, and ’adieu’.
(EXIT: ALL - wave and leave – put chairs at back)
Scene 3
(Puck, Fairy, Oberon, Titania, Peaseblossom, Mustardseed, Cobweb, Demetrius, Helena)
(ENTER: Puck, Fairy)
Puck
Hello! How’s it going?
Fairy (sweeping with broom)
Oh, you know, the usual. I need to clean the place up a bit. Our Queen is coming here.
Puck
The King is coming here, too. Make sure the Queen doesn’t see him. Oberon is jealous of that Indian boy she adores.
Fairy
You’re Puck, aren’t you? You’re very bad. Very very bad.(wagging finger and angry) I’ve heard stories about you.
Puck
Yep, that’s me. I’m a bad egg. (very happy) Quick, move aside, here comes Oberon.
Fairy
And here comes the Queen. (Puck and Fairy move back)
(ENTER: Oberon one side, Titania and 3 fairies the other)
Oberon
Oh no, not you.
Titania
I don’t want to speak to you. (cross arms, turn away)
Oberon
But I’m your lord.
Titania
(turns to Oberon) That makes me your lady. But I know you fancy Hippolyta, who will marry Theseus.
Oberon
And I know you fancy Theseus.
Titania
Is this is all about the Indian boy?
Oberon
(planning, thinking) Give him to me, he can be my servant.
Titania
No. His mother was my friend and I will love (hand to heart) him like a son.
Oberon
How long will you be here?
Titania
Until the end of Theseus’s wedding day.
Oberan
Give me the Indian boy, (asking for boy) and I will go with you.
Titania
No way!
(EXIT: Titania and ALL fairies)
Oberon
My gentle Puck, come here! I travelled far and saw many things. (sweeping over and looking out over the audience) One thing I saw was that Cupid’s love arrow fell, and where it fell, lay a flower. Bring me that flower.
Puck
Yes, sir. (salutes)
(EXIT: Puck)
Oberon
(evil wringing of hands) When I have the flower, I will put its juice in Titania’s sleeping eyes. The next thing she sees when she wakes up, she will love, be it a lion, bear or wolf. Who comes?
(ENTER: Demetrius, Helena)
Demetrius
Where are Lysander and Hermia? ( open arms, sword in the air) I will kill him! And you, (pointing) go away, I don’t love you.
Helena
Oh, just to be with you…(clenched love hands)
Demetrius
Go away! (stop arm)
Helena
I love you! (begging)
Demetrius
You make me sick. (disgusted)
Helena
And I’m sick when I’m not with you. (clenched love hands)
Demetrius
I’ll run off and leave you with the wild animals in the woods. (runs away)
Helena
Oh, Demetrius! (runs after Demetrius)
(EXIT: Demetrius, Helena)
Oberon
Oh, he will love you, I promise. (stating finger)
(ENTER: Puck)
Puck
Here it is! (exhausted, gives 2 flowers)
Oberon
Great! Super! I’ll go to where Titania sleeps and put some of the flower’s juice in her eyes. Here is a flower (gives 1 flower). You go and find an Athenian man. Put some juice in his eyes and make sure he sees the woman he’s with when he wakes up.
Puck
Yes, sir! (salutes)
(EXIT: ALL)
Scene 4
(Titania, fairy, Oberon, - Lysander, Hermia, Puck, Helena, Demetrius sleeping)
(ENTER: Titania, fairy)
Titania
Come now, fairy, sing me to sleep.
Fairy
Come our lovely lady nigh, So, good night, with lullaby.
(singing, moving) Lulla, lulla, lullaby, lulla, lulla, lullaby,
Never harm, nor spell nor charm
So, good night, good night, with lullaby.
(EXIT: fairy, Titania walks to chair and sleeps)
(ENTER: Oberon)
Oberon
(Oberon puts juice over Titania’s eyes – evil wringing of hands)
What you see when you wake up, you will love. Wake up when some horrible thing is here.
(EXIT: Oberon)
(ENTER: Lysander, Hermia)
Lysander
I am lost. (open arms – looking at map?) Let’s rest here, dear Hermia.
Hermia
Okay. I’m sleepy.
Lysander
(lies down and intices Hermia to sleep next to him) The grass will be our pillow. Sleep here.
Hermia
(refusing) Not together. I’m not like that.
Lysander
(open arms) Come on, we love each other.
Hermia
No. You sleep there, I sleep here.
Lysander
Okay. (rejected) Well, goodnight.
Hermia
Goodnight
(Lysander and Hermia sleep)
(ENTER: Puck)
Puck
I can’t find an Athenian man. Hello, who is this?
(Puck puts juice in Lysander’s eyes)
When you wake up, you will love this woman.
(EXIT: Puck)
(ENTER: Demetrius, Helena)
Helena
Kill me, please, Demetrius.(begging)
Demetrius
Get a life. (disgusted)
Helena
Oh, Demetrius! (hands stretch for Demetrius as he leaves)
(EXIT: Demtrius)
Helena
I must be so ugly. Not like Hermia, she is so beautiful. (sees Lysander) Who’s this? Lysander? Wake up. Wake up, Lysander. (shakes Lysander awake. Lysander sees Helena and loves her)
Lysander
Oh Helena, my sweet Helena. My heart (holds heart, on one knee) is yours.
Helena
Hey! Get off! You love Hermia, not me.(pushing him away)
Lysander
She is nothing to me. (rejecting Hermia) She is a raven to your dove.
Helena
Leave me alone! Stop playing with me. (walks off angry)
(EXIT: Helena)
Lysander
Hermia, sleep, sleep. I hate you so. My love (holds heart) is for sweet Helena now.
(EXIT: Lysander after Helena)
(Hermia wakes up)
Hermia
Lysander? Lysander? (searching) Where are you? I had a nightmare. Someone took away my heart (holds heart). Lysander?
(EXIT: Hermia)
Scene 5
(Titania, Quince, Snug, Bottom, Flute, Snout, Starveling, Puck, Peaseblossom, Cobweb, Mustardseed)
(Titania sleeping)
(ENTER: Quince, Snug, Bottom, Flute, Snout, Starveling)
Bottom
Are we there yet? (looking around)
Quince
This is a nice place to rehearse. (looking around) Are you ready?
Bottom
Quince?
Quince
Yes? (dejected)
Bottom
This play needs some changes.
Quince
Really?
Bottom
Yes. First, (1st finger) Pyramus kills himself with his own sword. It will frighten the Duchess.
Snout
With YOUR acting skills?
Starveling
I think there should be no killing. (cutting air finger) Take it out of the play.
Bottom
No. I should give a prologue saying that no one will be hurt in this play. And that I am Bottom the weaver (hand on chest), and not Pyramus. That will be better.
Quince
Okay, I’ll write you a prologue of 14 lines. (dejected)
Bottom
16 lines. (stamps feet – Quince nods)
Snout
Will the Duchess be afraid of the lion?
Starveling
Oh yes, I think so.
Bottom
Oh yes! (holding face) There is nothing more frightening than a lion!
Snout
Then I need a prologue, too. (making a stand)
Quince
Okay. I’ll write two. (dejected)
Bottom
Super! (very happy)
Quince
I have, however, two problems. (two fingers) The lovers meet at moonlight.
Snout
Is the moon out when we play?
Quince
Yes. But we play inside. Someone can play the moon.
Flute
You said two problems. (two fingers)
Quince
Yes, the lovers speak through a hole in a wall.
Snout
A wall?
Bottom
Someone must play a wall. And hold his hand like this for the hole.
(Bottom makes a hole with his hand. Snout puts his finger through it. Bottom pulls his hand away, disgusted)
Quince
Good idea. Come, we must rehearse.
(ENTER: Puck)
Puck
What have we here? I need to watch this, maybe play, too. (moves around players)
Quince
Pyramus, Thisby. Start.
Bottom
Thisby, the flowers of odious savours sweet…(open hand out like an actor)
Quince
Odours, odours.(strong)
Bottom
Right. Thisby, the flowers of odours savours sweet…(open hand out like an actor)
Puck
That’s really bad. (holds nose, and waves away smell)
(EXIT: Puck and Bottom)
Flute
Do I speak now?
Quince
Yes, you need to speak now.
Flute
Most radiant Pyramus, most lilly white of poo…(open hand out like an actor)
Quince
Hue, hue.(strong)
(ENTER: Puck, Bottom with ass’s head)
Bottom
Oh Thisby…
Quince
Ahhh! Run! (all frightened, all run away)
(EXIT: All, except Puck and Bottom)
Puck
(semi-circle behind Bottom) I’ll follow you around, I’ll follow you here and there,
Sometimes I’ll be a hound, sometimes I’ll be a bear.
I’ll neigh and bark, and grunt and moo,
Like horse and hound and bear and coo (?)…cow.
(EXIT: Puck)
Bottom
Where did they go? (open arms, searching, hand on forehead looking)
(ENTER: Snout)
Snout
Bottom, you’ve changed! (runs in, runs out)
(EXIT: Snout, ENTER: Quince)
Quince
Bottom, you’re transformed! (runs in, runs out)
(EXIT: Quince)
Bottom
What? They’re just fooling around! They can’t frighten me! (scared) I will sing to show I’m not afraid (Bottom sings - Titania wakes up)
Titania
What angel wakes me? (drawn to Bottom) Oh, gentle mortal, sing again. I love (holds heart) your voice, I love…you.
Bottom
I don’t see why you love me, but then, why not? Reason and love are not partners.(shrug shoulders)
Titania
You are as clever as you are handsome.
Bottom
Are you okay? (puts hand to Titania’s forehead) I’m going now. (going)
Titania
No, please don’t go. (Titania grabs Bottom) I am the fairy queen, I can give you servants. They will give you anything you want.
(ENTER: Peaseblossom, Cobweb, Mustardseed)
All fairies
Ready, your majesty. (salute)
Titania
Attend this gentlemen. Do all he asks, with good manners.
All fairies
Yes, your majesty. (salute)
Bottom
What’s your name?
Cobweb
Cobweb. (bows)
Bottom
We will be friends. And you?
Peaseblossom
Peaseblossom. (bows)
Bottom
We will be friends, too. And you?
Mustardseed
Mustardseed. (bows)
Bottom
We will be friends, too!
Titania
Wait upon him, do all he wishes. But first, tie up his tongue and bring him silently. (3 fairies take Bottom away, all EXIT)
Scene 6
(Oberon, Puck, Demetrius, Hermia, Lysander, Helena,
(ENTER: Oberon)
Oberon
I wonder if Titania is awake? I wonder what she saw first? (thinking)
(ENTER: Puck)
Oberon
Hello, my dear Puck. What’s new?
Puck
The Queen is in love with a monster, an ass’s head. I met some players and turned a man’s head into an ass. Then the Queen woke up and fell in love (holds heart).
Oberon
This is better than I thought. (victory salute) And the Athenian man?
Puck
I put the flower juice on his eyes. The man and woman will be in love when he wakes up.
(ENTER: Hermia, Demetrius)
Oberon
Ah-ha, here is the man. (Oberon and Puck move back)
Puck
This is the woman, but not the man.
Demetrius
Why don’t you love me? (open arms)
Hermia
Are you crazy? If you killed Lysander (pointing), kill me too. Why would he leave me? (sad) Where is he? Give him to me (attacks Demetrius)
Demetrius
No, I will not.
Hermia
Then leave me alone! (shoos Demetrius away) Go away! You are a coward, killing him in his sleep.
Demetrius
I did not kill him.
Hermia
Tell me, tell me he is well.
Demetrius
What’s in it for me? (scheming)
Hermia
A chance to see me no more.
(EXIT: Hermia)
Demetrius
She’s stubborn, very stubborn. I’m tired of all this. I need some sleep. (Demetrius sleeps – Oberon and Puck come forward)
Oberon
What have you done?
Puck
Whoops.
Oberon
Fly, go find the other woman, Helena and bring her here.
Puck
Yes, sir, as quick as an arrow. (salutes and runs off - EXIT: Puck)
Oberon
Let’s get it right this time. (Oberon puts juice in Demetrius’s eyes)
(ENTER: Puck)
Puck
Helena is coming. And the man I gave the juice.
Oberon
They are so noisy, they will wake up Demetrius.
Puck
Now two men will love one woman. I have to see this! (Oberon and Puck move back)
(ENTER: Lysander, Helena)
Lysander
I’m not making fun of you, I love you (hands on heart)
Helena
You are so bad! (angry, stamping feet) You said you loved Hermia and not me. You’re a liar.
Lysander
Demetrius loves Hermia, and he doesn’t love you. (Demetrius wakes up)
Demetrius
O Helena, goddess of love. Will you hold my hand? (Demetrius tries to grab Helena) Let me kiss you.
Helena
(moves away from Demetrius) What? Do you hate me this much to make fun of me? You both love Hermia, not me. You mock me! (angry, jumping up and down)
Lysander
You love Hermia, Demetrius. (pointing) I give her to you. I love (holds heart) Helena.
Demetrius
You can keep Hermia, (shoos Lysander away) I love (holds heart) Helena. I have always loved her. Look, Hermia comes. (points in Hermia’s direction)
(ENTER: Hermia)
Hermia
Lysander! I’ve found you. (open arms) Why did you leave me?
Lysander
Why stay? (shrugs shoulders)
Hermia
Sorry? (hands on hips)
Lysander
I love (holds heart) fair Helena now. I can’t stand you anymore.
Hermia
No, it can’t be true. (hurt, hand on forehead)
Helena
You are with them, you liar. (accusing) We used to be friends, and now you make fun of me with them.
Hermia
I haven’t lied to you.
Helena
You set them on me. They say they love me.
Hermia
I don’t understand. (head in hands)
Helena
If you were my friend, you would stop all this. I’m going now, away forever.
Lysander
No, gentle Helena, stay. (on one knee, begging) My love, my life, my soul, fair Helena. I love you, Helena.
Demetrius
I love you more, Helena. (on one knee, begging)
Lysander
Prove it! (Lysander and Demetrius start a sword fight)
Hermia
Lysander?
Lysander
Go away. (pushes Hermia away)
Demetrius
You coward, you.
Lysander
Get off me. (pushes Hermia away)
Hermia
Lysander, what’s wrong with you? My love..(holds heart).
Lysander
Love? Clear off!
Hermia
Are you making fun of me?
Helena
Like you are.
Hermia
What is this? At night you loved me, and now you leave me. Why? Oh why? (eyes up to the sky)
Lysander
I don’t want to see you anymore. (hand up to Hermia) I hate you and love Helena.
Hermia
How can you do this to me? You stole him from me!
Helena
You’re liars! (angry) All of you! Don’t you kid me! We were friends, and now no more! So let me go.
Hermia
I’m not stopping you. Who is?
Helena
My foolish heart (holds heart). I left it with Demetrius. You are pure evil!
Hermia
You let her speak like that to me?
Lysander
Go away, you’re no one to me.
Demetrius
Leave her alone.
Lysander
Are you going to make me?
Demetrius
Yes, I am. (EXIT Lysander and Demetrius sword fighting)
Helena
I’m not staying here.
(EXIT Helena)
Hermia
What shall I do? (open arms EXIT Hermia)
Oberon
(Oberon and Puck come to the front) This is your fault, you did this.
Puck
Whoops. Sorry, my king. But he was Athenian.
Oberon
You must right the wrong. (pointing orders) Make them sleep and put the flower juice in Lysander’s eyes to see Hermia again. I will go to my Queen.
Puck
I will do this as fast as I can. (salute)
Oberon
Make haste.
(EXIT Oberon)
Puck
(dancing) Up and down, up and down, I will lead them up and down. Here comes one.
(ENTER Lysander)
Lysander
Where are you, Demetrius? (looking around, sword in air)
Puck
Over here. Follow me.
(EXIT Lysander)
(ENTER Demetrius)
Demetrius
Lysander! Speak, you coward! Where do you hide? (looking around, sword in air)
Puck
You’re the coward! Follow my voice, we’ll fight over here.
(EXIT Demetrius, Puck)
(ENTER Lysander)
Lysander
Where is he? All this running...I am sleepy. (yawning - Lysander sleeps)
(ENTER Puck, Demetrius)
Puck
Hoo-hoo, can’t catch me!
Demetrius
Hold still! Where are you? (sword in air, looking around)
Puck
Here!
Demetrius
Where are you? Oh my, all this chasing, I am so sleepy...(yawning - Demetrius sleeps)
(ENTER Helena)
Helena
Oh, I wish I was in Athens. A nice warm bed. I’m so sleepy...
(Helena sleeps)
Puck
(comes to front) Three. One more comes. That makes four.
(ENTER Hermia)
Hermia
I can go no further. I must rest...
(Hermia sleeps)
Puck
Sleep sound. When you wake up, all will be good. (puts flower juice in all eyes)
(EXIT Puck)
Scene 7
(Lysander, Demetrius, Helena, Hermia sleeping )
(ENTER: Titania, Bottom, Peaseblossom, Cobweb, Mustardseed, fairy - Oberon hiding)
Titania
Come, sit with me. Let me kiss your big ears. (Titania and Bottom sit)
Bottom
Where’s Peaseblossom?
Peaseblossom
Here. (salutes)
Bottom
Scratch my head. (Peaseblossom scratches Bottom’s head)Where’s Cobweb?
Cobweb
Here. (salutes)
Bottom
Kill me a bee and bring me some honey. (Cobweb tries to catch a bee)Where’s Mustardseed?
Mustardseed
Here. What is your wish? (salutes)
Bottom
Help Cobweb. (Mustardseed watches Cobweb and catches a bee, then opens hand, Cobweb gets stung) I think I need a hairdresser.(touches donkey head)
Titania
Would you like some music?
Bottom
I have an ear for it, yes. (touches ear)
Titania
Would you like to eat something?
Bottom
Some hay, sweet hay. But I feel sleepy, so sleepy...(tired)
Titania
So sleep, my love, sleep.
(Bottom sleeps, Titania sleeps)
(ENTER Puck)
Oberon
Hello, Puck. Look, she is so sweet. (pointing to Titania) I’m sorry I did this.
(Oberon puts juice in Titania’s eyes)
Wake, my Queen, wake.
(Titania wakes up)
Titania
My Oberon, my love (holds heart). I dreamt of an ass.
Oberon
Here is your ass.
Titania
Oooo. Yuk. (disgusted) What is that?
Oberon.
Shhh. Puck, take off his head. (Puck takes off Bottom’s donkey head, Bottom sleeping) Come, my Queen, tomorrow night we will dance at the Duke’s wedding.
(EXIT Oberon, Titania and all fairies(4))
(ENTER Theseus, Hippolyta, Egeus, Lord 1, Lord 2)
Theseus
Let us go for a hunt, my love. (bow and arrow + walking stick)
Hippolyta
Oh, such sweet thunder, glorious hunt.(clenched love hands, jumping for joy)
Theseus
I have the best hounds. Say, what’s this? (moves to show 4 lovers)
Egeus
(goes to sleeping 4) This is my daughter, asleep. And this, Lysander, Demetrius, and Helena. Why are they here, together?
Theseus
They woke up early to be here. Wake them. (Egeus wakes up the lovers) Good morning, friends.
Lysander
Pardon, my Lord?
(Lysander + Hermia see each other, fall in love, Demetrius + Helena see each other, happy)
Theseus
Stand up. Why are you here? (All stand up)
Lysander
I cannot truly say. (scratching head) I came with Hermia to run away and marry.
Egeus
Enough. (angry - hand held high) Let the law decide your fate.
Demetrius
Fair Helena told me of their plot. But now, I do not love Hermia, I love Helena, sweet Helena.
(Egeus is unhappy, Theseus pats him on the shoulder)
Theseus
That’s settled, then. We will all be wed, tomorrow night. Come, Hippolyta
(EXIT Theseus, Hippolyta, Egeus, Lords 1 + 2)
Demetrius
What happened? (shrugs shoulders)
Hermia
I don’t know.
Helena
So, you love me now?
Demetrius
Yes, my sweet Helena. We are dreaming, yet awake. The Duke was here?
Hermia
Yes, and my father.
Helena
And Hippolyta.
Lysander
And he said to follow.
Demetrius
Then let’s go.
(EXIT all 4 lovers, happily in love)
(Bottom wakes up)
Bottom
My cue comes! Oh, I fell asleep. I had a strange dream. Quince will write a song about it, I think. Called Bottom’s Dream. I will sing it to the Duke. (overacting)
(EXIT Bottom)
Scene 8
(Quince, Flute, Snout, Starveling, Snug, Bottom)
(ENTER Quince, Flute, Snout, Starveling)
Quince
Have you seen Bottom? Has he come home yet? (desperate)
Starveling
He is nowhere.
Flute
If we can’t find him, then the play is doomed. We’re doomed, I tell ya. (holds head)
Quince
Only Bottom can play Pyramus, no one else. (on knees, almost crying)
Flute
Bottom is the best.
Quince
Yes, he has the sweetest of voices.
(ENTER Snug)
Snug
(runs in, exhausted) The Duke and Duchess are coming.
Flute
Oh, Bottom, where are you?
(ENTER Bottom)
Bottom
Hello!
Quince
Bottom! Oh, my dear Bottom! (very happy)
Bottom
You wouldn’t believe what happened to me.
Quince
Tell us, sweet Bottom. (drawn to Bottom)
Bottom
You won’t hear it from me. Quick, let’s go, the Duke is coming. And remember, it is a sweet comedy, so no eating onions.
(EXIT: All exit fast)
Scene 9
(All)
(ENTER Theseus, Hippolyta, Philostrate, Egeus, Lord 1, Lord 2)
Hippolyta
These lovers tell a strange story (crazy sign)
Theseus
It is only a fairytale, they are lovers. They have big imaginations. And here they come, so happy. (open hand to their entrance)
(ENTER Lysander, Demetrius, Hermia, Helena)
Theseus
Come, we must have a party. There are 3 more hours before we sleep. Where is the programme?
Philostrate
Here it is, my lord. (gives Theseus the programme.)
Theseus
Let’s have a look. (reading) A singing eunuch? No way! A play? Young Pyramus and his love Thisby? That sounds good! Love and tragedy.
Philostrate
Less love, more tragedy, my lord. I saw the rehearsal. (holds head, shaking)
Theseus
Who plays the parts?
Philostrate
Tradesmen, my lord. It is better you do not see it.
Theseus
Interesting. (thinking) Let’s see the play. Go, bring them in.
Philostrate
Yes, my lord.
(EXIT Philostrate)
Hippolyta
Do we have to watch this?
Theseus
We will watch and spot their mistakes. It will be fun!
(ENTER Philostrate and all the Players)
Philostrate
My lord, they are here.
Theseus
Then let them begin. (Theseus, Hippolyta, Philostrate, Egeus, Lords 1 + 2, 4 lovers all sit down)
(ENTER Quince, Snug-lion, Flute-Thisby, Snout-wall, Starveling-moon, Bottom-Pyramus)
Bottom
(players line up behind Bottom) We are simple, that is true,
But we only wish to entertain you.
Delight it what you see,
There will, of course, be a lot of me.
Theseus
Is he an ass?
Lord 2
It wasn’t very good.
Hippolyta
Like a child in a school play.
Theseus
Look, he speaks again. Oh no.
Bottom
Lordships, I am Pyramus, and this is beautiful Thisby. We whisper through this wall. This man is the moon, this one the lion.
Theseus
Can the lion speak?
Lord 1
If the ass can, then why not?
Snout
(Snout takes his place) My name’s Snout. I am a wall. This is a hole Pyramus and Thisby whisper through.
Theseus
Do walls have ears?
Lord 1
This one does.
Theseus
Shhh, here comes Pyramus.
Bottom
(Bottom takes his place) O night, O night, O night, O night, which ever art when day is not. I fear Thisby did forget. O sweet wall O lovely wall. Show me your hole to see through. (overacting)
(Snout makes hole with hand)
Bottom
Thank you, wall. I cannot see her, my sweet Thisby. Curse you, wall!
(Bottom kicks wall)
Theseus
I think the wall should kick back.
Bottom
No, my lord, he should not.
(ENTER Flute)
Flute
O wall, you part my love and me. Let me kiss your stones.
(Snout gives lips to Flute, Flute is disgusted)
Bottom
I hear her voice! Thisby! Thisby!
(Bottom looks through hole)
Flute
My love, you are here!
(Flute looks through hole)
Bottom
Yes, it is I. O kiss me through the hole.
(Bottom and Flute try to kiss Snout’s hand, disgusted)
Flute
I kissed the wall, not you. Yuk.
Bottom
Meet me at Ninny’s tomb.
Flute
I’ll come without delay.
(EXIT Flute, Bottom)
Snout
My job is done, I will be gun....gone.
(EXIT Snout)
Hippolyta
This is silly. (crazy sign)
Theseus
Oh, it’s very silly. The best of its kind. Oh, look, the lion and the moon.
(Snug-lion, Starveling-moon take places)
Snug
My name is Snug and I am a lion. Do not fear my roar, I beg you.
Theseus
A gentle lion.
Lord 1
The greatest lion I ever did see.
Lord 2
This lion is a fox in valour.
Theseus
And a goose in discretion.
Lord 1
The fox would eat the goose.
Theseus
Or the goose carry the fox. Shh, listen.
Starveling
I am the moon, the man in the moon.
Theseus
Is the man in the moon? Or the moon on the man?
Hippolyta
This moon tires me.
Lord 2
(stands up) Go on, moon.
Starveling
I am the moon, the man in the moon.
(ENTER Flute)
Flute
This is Ninny’s tomb. Where is my love?
Snug
Roar!
(Flute is scared, runs off (EXIT), leaving a cloak/scarf)
Lord 1
Well roared, lion. (claps)
Theseus
Well run, Thisby. (claps)
Hippolyta
Well shone, moon. (claps)
(Snug bites cloak/scarf - EXIT Snug - ENTER Bottom)
Bottom
Sweet moon, you shine so well. I thank you. But what is this? A cloak? My love’s cloak? Blood, blood, I see! Oh Thisby, my love! (overacting)
Theseus
Such passion.
Hippolyta
I pity this man.
Bottom
The lion did kill my love! I cannot live without my love!
(Bottom stabs himself with knife, long death)
I die, now I die. I am dead, I am dead. My soul is fled. I die, die, die.
Lord 1
(stands up) Die, already.
Theseus
Is there a doctor in the house? Oh, here comes Thisby.
(ENTER Flute)
Hippolyta
I hope she will die quicker.
Flute
Asleep my love? What? Dead? O Pyramus, awake, awake! My lover is dead! I cannot live without my love!
(Flute stabs ’herself’ with same knife, lays on ground)
Farewell, Adieu, Adieu, Adieu.
Theseus
The moon and the lion are left.
Lord 2
And the wall.
Bottom
No, my lords. The wall is no more. The fathers knocked it down. Would you like to see the Epilogue?
Theseus
No Epilogue, please, I beg you. (begging) Enough, I say.
(EXIT Players by dancing)
Theseus
(comes to front) The time has come. Lovers, to bed, we wake up early for my wedding. Let the fairies continue their sweet dance.
(EXIT Lords and lovers)
(ENTER Puck, all fairies(4))
Puck
(comes to front) Now the hungry lion roars, and the wolf howls at the moon. The night has come, and we fairies we do run. I am here to sweep the dust behind the door.(goes back)
(ENTER Oberon, Titania)
Oberon
(comes to front) Now until the break of day, all fairies through this house will stray. All the lovers they will bless, with peace and sweet caress. Trip away, make no stay, meet me by the break of day.
(EXIT Oberon, Titania, all fairies(4))
Puck
(comes to front) If we players have offended, think this and all is mended.
This was nothing but a dream, nothing but an idle theme.
Give me your hands, if we be friends, it will always make amends.
(EXIT Puck)
